This was sent to me from my ex. We still speak regularly through the medium of facebook inbox. He’s given me such vivid memories. The grief of it all ending embedded within me a fear of letting myself go and letting somebody new in – this, alongside my inability to be truthful and honest to myself holds me back from any relations with substance. I did let someone in, but to him, a guy of the same name, I spoke fondly of my ex and possibly a bit too much. I’m a difficult one to crack, but when somebody finally does, though I might be as difficult as a quadratic equation to a baby, it’ll be worth it. Loving oneself will be the first step to new beginnings.
On the other hand, the memory of love is always a beautiful thing and the intensity of it all will not be repeated, so I count my graces. I wish I still loved him like I did, but you can’t make yourself feel what you don’t feel. I certainly do love him though. He’s like a delicate flower who through some kind of pact with himself has vowed only to spread wholesome and positive seeds to me any time we’re in contact. I know he handles me from the heart. That’s pure.