I have this unquenched and gut love for my mother; it can sometimes bring me to shed a single tear. Sometimes I forget my own ethos in how to treat her, how to listen to her, how to sup up every bit of wisdom and courage from her. I think back over her life and I become overwhelmed by the tragedies, the crazy events, the good times, the smiles, the oppression, the repression, the undiluted love she omits and radiates. I am so fucking blessed with her and I seriously don’t know what I’d do without her. Like, I’d crumble. Even in the face of inevitability, I can’t process what I’d do and it makes me feel weak and overly attached. Even up until my current age, she has been my rock. And this is without anybody really being hers. I wish somebody could be her rock. I know we as her children are what keeps her going, she has said this on many occasions, but we’re a different level to what a man could be for her. A companion, somebody to share her desires and thoughts with.
My friend posted this song on her facebook wall today. It’s made me wonder what conversation must have happened for my friend to have posted this, so freely on her wall. People sometimes forget to be nice, to be honest, to talk from the heart. Especially guys. In my case, it’s a fear of exposing vulnerability. I envy people with such disregard for what others think. My mind is still young and immature in this sense, I am not free of myself or the fears that I know are irrational. I see this song and the fact that my friend posted it as a little reminder, a sign somewhat, to remember to be the best I can for my mother. So to my friend, thank you, and to my mother, as much love as I can possibly give without suffocating. She is my world. If I can possess a fraction of her strength and courage and determination, I’d be a hundred times the man that I am today.