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Monthly Archives: July 2013

Shame says that because I am flawed, I am unacceptable; Grace says that though I am flawed, I am cherished.

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In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you.

~ Buddha

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There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

~ Jose N. Harris

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Resonating with me for all eternity is this track from Ce Ce Rogers with ‘Someday’. Taken from the big birth of Chicago house music, this particular one is from 1987. The lyrics are reflective of the love-soul movement that was revolutionising the way people danced the night away, back when this type of music was overtaking clubland the world over. Nothing of this sort is being represented these days, there is some stuff, but you have to dig deep and I guess that’s the beauty in what’s around now. The track fed through my earphones as I was on the bus back home from teaching tonight; there’s something about the moving world around you while you are in fact stationary that brings about a thought-inducing state of mind. Thoughts about nothing much really, just the mind wandering into wonderment with no particular direction – a sort of microcosm of people and life in general.

I don’t believe everything I see, or read, or hear. There’s more to life than this. Paper chasing because that’s how we’ve been moulded… something ain’t right. I was listening to some random radio show on YouTube the other day, of two intelligent guys having a conversation about the history of humans, and how everything is not what it seems. How science, however accurate, doesn’t know everything, and how religious stories are based upon the worship of the sun. I am not here to be derogatory toward anybody who is religious because I have envy for people who ensure a sort of pure mind, the one’s who use religion to their spiritual development. Anyway, these two guys talked about how civilization could have existed before us. Or, rather, as they said, most definitely did exist before our race. Before dinosaurs and evolution etc. And that they were probably much more intelligent than we are. Our world is being destroyed by us, our race is being destroyed by us, and somebody is watching and allowing such shit to happen. It’s strange sometimes, feeling as though I’m just watching destruction without actually having any say on it. Don’t we have a say in it?

These are the thoughts that appeared on the bus today. And all from the track below.

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Someday
We’ll live as one family
In perfect harmony
Someday
When we all pull together
We’ll all be free

Someday

The skies have opened up. It has begun raining. The air is fresh and cool, but not cold, it’s refreshing and soothing.

It’s welcome, tonight. I don’t say that in vain; I’ve absolutely revelled in the sunshine. I feel so healthy and I’m glowing. I enjoyed, mostly through telling myself to, sweating on the bus in to college. I enjoyed wearing my sunglasses and reflecting randomers’ smiles, chilling in the city centre gardens with new people who had no preconceptions about me. It’s been a wonderful and wondrous five weeks and the weather only heightened such musings. I’m a sun and water baby. I was created with what seems to be an innate desire for the sun and in turn the sea. The beach inspires me, I’m relaxed and in a natural state of being when by the sea – it’s easy to be. I’ve had the joy of travelling or holidaying in such climates so working with extreme heat may be a different story. In fact, one of the days at college I was teaching a class as part of my qualification where I had to be observed and marked whilst teaching, and it was stifling outside which only doubled inside. I was sweating embarrassingly, of which the nerves didn’t help, so that was a tiny glimpse at what it could be like to work in such climates, as I so desire.

The back door to my house is located on the side of the house and as you step out of it on to a drive way that is long enough to park three cars you’ll find an old school plastic shelter cover. The plastic is fixed against the brick wall, about a couple of feet higher than the back door and connects our wall width-wise with our neighbour’s adjacent wall. It’s only a few metres long in length, and probably the same in width, but enough to keep me dry whilst being able to immerse myself in the other sensory delights of summer rain away from getting drenched. Our drives are separated by a waist-high wooden fence, and between the fence and the plastic sheets spans just above a metre in height. On occasion, we’ll see our neighbour Vera, a 90+ year old lady who shares common ground with us through chat about the weather. That’s the best I can describe the shelter really. I should just post a photo.

I stood under there just now, smoking a cigarette. The sound of the rain was amplified by the thick plastic sheets, like my very own outdoor nightclub with slanted lines of bass. My city hasn’t had rain like the rest of country until tonight. It’s loud. It sounds like it’s battering down, under that sheet. It calmed me.

I watched some meditation video on YouTube a little while back and it stated that the key to meditation is to become comfortable with natural sounds around you. It is never absolutely quiet and to meditate you have to adjust to that. You can hear somebody talking in the background but instead of forming thought after thought about that conversation, you have to notice that it’s there and let it merge with the other noises; birds, the neighbour’s kids, the ringing in the ears, and silence. Silence is a sound and to control thoughts is a powerful thing, something that I think we as humans are generally losing the instinct to do. In fact, we’re losing our instincts altogether, but that’s another conspiracy fuelled story.

I listened to the rain in that perceived state of mind. It felt like it helped me to listen to my inner self at a time when I feel like I desire some answers.

Love this. Reblogged inspiration.

The Better Man Project ™

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As time has gone on it has become much more clear.

Time itself is so short.

One minute you are there and the next minute you aren’t.

The “moment” that is.

The sweet spot.

The  zone.

It makes me think about the time that I have spent here

and the time that I want to spend.

Who I want to spend it with.

Where I want to spend it.

How I…

White hot and passionate.

::nodding::

There are other ways to do things.

But you just become another floorboard.

Nothing special about you.

Of course you could be made out of beautiful wood

but with all the others

you are the same.

That’s the last thing I want to be.

The same.

I chose to live my life a different way with different standards

and the yields at times have been difficult.

But in actuality it all has trained me…

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You’ve left me with a dull, yearning ache. Blurgh to you!

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His hair was blonde, he possessed some kind of Scandinavian features, the fair skin, the broad shoulders, the light eyes. His body was toned, he was remarkably handsome and healthy. He was cheeky, a man assured of himself, a man who knows his attractive nature but a man who was playful and followed me around like a lost sheep. He was ticklish, he smoked with me, he liked animals.

We had a lot of fun. We went to a fairground. The bouncy castle was a highlight, as we mounted it together. I remember having some inhibitions, members of my family were there and we just continued to play regardless.

It was a lovely dream.