So after a few days I spoke again to Tom (see earlier post). He seems to have changed his story a little. For someone to make me feel the way that he did then change some key points on account of English being his second language is taking a while for me to digest. From this though, he still doesn’t quite understand why I haven’t moved on. It’s the integral part of my being, however frustrating that is for me or others, to take time with things. Yes, time is of the essence, however, I prefer to sit things out, give them time. I’ve learnt from my past, and a few wise books. It is through contemplation that I really learn. Tom is quite the character, he’s opposite to me and wants things done NOW OR WHY AREN’T THEY DONE NOW?
See, when things from my past, such as prejudice, are thrust back in to my consciousness, and I’m made to feel a certain way, I retract. Think of a hedgehog. When Mr hedgehog becomes frightened, he retracts, curls up in a ball and shows his spikes. He’s in a bubble of temporary hibernation, safe from the world while he contemplates when to come back out. When, essentially, it’s safe to. Like me. I’ll think. Think some more. Form opinions. Analyse the manner in which I’ll respond, aim to reduce any negative feelings and come back neutrally, calm, reflected. S’just how it is.
I tried Tai Chi tonight.
I now have a reflective smile plastered on my face.