Words have alluded me of recent. Not so long ago, maybe a week or two, my mind was in a more positive place. The thing with me is, my emotions swell and dwell and retract and pulsate at different levels in short spaces of time. I can attribute the happenings in my life to a certain mood, for example, I am high when I’m on the move and busy, but low when I have time to think and mull over mind-created problems. I have one those minds, you see. It’s a frustrating mind to have. Although I know I have power over what I think – thoughts become reality. And that’s pretty much how my year has worked out for me thus far. I’ve achieved new things this year, but it’s so so so easy to forget and become lost in a warped sense of reality. Because really, nothing actually matters. We as individuals are a tiny speck on the dust of the universe. So it’s about enjoying yourself, embracing whatever life has to throw at you and that includes the lows. The lows enable me to really appreciate the highs. I am grateful, probably not enough, but I am grateful for the things that surround me today.
I can walk.
I can talk.
I can breathe.
I can use my fingers.
I have a young age, an age of which I am coming to understand is the age at which I should be grasping absolutely everything. Because it doesn’t last. That is somewhat of a fear but if I can use that fear to create positive results then it’s all good.
I should write more often, it’s cathartic. I know I’m my own worst enemy, at the same time, I’m also my biggest fan. That made me laugh.
Tonight, after a long time, I’ll be surrounded by people and friends that I’ve known for a long time but of whom I’ve been keeping my distance because of my own insecurities. I’m going to try and embrace the love they give, I’m going to try and remember to give out as much love as poss. I’m going to try and create good memories, those of which I haven’t experienced with these guys for quite a while. I’m going to try and let go.
“When we were nothing, we had it all.”