The world continues to spin..

Winter sunshine is beautiful. The crisp, stark cold air breathes on my face, tiny pins of ice prick the end of my nose while the sun offers some form of comfort from the bite. I feel inspired when I witness a morning, glorious in all of its fresh opportunities. I’ve missed mornings of recent, succumbed to the late nights, weekends in consuming, weekends out consuming, weekdays passing by, another tally of stagnation. But these mornings, they make me feel alive.

The world continues to spin while I count my graces. His face was full of pain. Words feel like stories until you see the inflicted pain behind them. You can kind of ignore the facts and the truth behind the words. Nobody is giving him that release. I could see in his tired and aged eyes that he wanted a hug. He wants some release. I’ve never seen him like this before. He’s a beautiful soul really. I’ve said to him that if my dad gave me the opportunities that he is giving to his son, I’d absolutely not take them for granted. I feel guilty saying that about my dad, because no matter what, no matter how much I’ve wanted to scream and have actually screamed at him, his love has been constant. And that is no small feat in this world of pain.

**

On another note, I’m considering the way I behaved with a friend recently. I am a man of space and independence. I am a difficult person to get close to, I am aware of these difficulties and I love myself for them. I now truly do. People find me strange or perhaps intimidating, and at worst, impossible. I am aware of these attributes. And in some way, I know how I have attained them and why I’m maintaining them. Life is a constant lesson and although this friend doesn’t mean harm (which now, following a lengthy and brutally honest conversation, I see) I had to relay to him what I thought from the heart. See, I feel things about people. I observe and something with him didn’t tally up. I hope I haven’t hurt him and I ask for forgiveness if in some way I have. But sometimes, tough love makes things a bit better.

**

I can’t forever remain a dreamer. I can’t keep wanting without trying. I can’t keep expecting without contributing. I can’t keep letting life slip on by without creating the moments that live so vivid in my mind.

**

Universe. I thank you. I thank you for my family. I thank you for the friends that continue their contact although I don’t give the same back. I thank you for giving me reason and morals and compassion. I thank you for keeping my mentality in tact. Thank you for letting me feel.

**

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