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Monthly Archives: January 2014

I know it’s alright here
But follow your heart dear
I know your dreams are clear
Don’t you know we all fear
Don’t be afraid of who you want to be
Remember I’m here
So maybe you should take the first step
And the rest will follow

I know you feel good here
In a space of your own
But time should make you realise
there’s more than this
Remove the label that you were assigned
Forget the limits that they taught you

So maybe you should take the first step
And the rest will follow..

Why must you judge me so, dear mirror?
Where be your confidence?

You’ll get it.
You’ll smash it.
They said.
I said.

When something you need is in your grip
but like a spanner in a greased hand
it slips.

And words fail to manifest
amongst the face to face,
smartly dressed.

Clutching for dear life, the paper
to end this stagnant strife,
will this mansion of which I step
become as binding as a dear wife?

Give me this break.
I will not forsake this chance
to fulfil my dreams.

Please. Universe.
Let achievement be the start
of the next verse.

I watched The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty today. *Spoiler Alert* The concept of the film is good; a man who fails in his attempts to do or say the things he wants to in the most crucial of moments and instead travels through an invented identity within his own imagination, where all of the things he doesn’t achieve in reality are lived out in this adventure world. It becomes a bit confusing, though not at all hard to follow, as he ends up in Iceland chasing the dude who took a photo and may know where the whereabouts of the misplaced negative of this photo, which is like gold dust because it’s the negative for the front page of the last ever edition of the magazine that Mitty works for. Even though he eventually gets fired by the power-hungry young twat in charge for losing the negative in the first place. Meanwhile, he fancies this girl from work, obviously, and they share a quirky sort of build-up to the final scene in which they see the front cover as printed on a news stand in the street and notice that the photo is in fact of Walter Mitty, sitting outside the building inspecting front cover negatives.

It’s actually pretty lame but it made me feel good.

One thing that struck me was the soundtrack. It does suit the mood of the movie, the chase, and the subtle hints of comedy genius, and if anything I’m glad I watched this movie if only for the soundtrack.

Look into the sun as a new days rise…

After the debauchery that was new year’s eve and the consequential adjoining festivities give and take a week either side, I’m looking forwards. Not so much so that I forget to live in this very moment right now, but enough to stir an excitement within me of what this life could lead to. In fact, it could lead to me being in the gutter, homeless and without work. You know, that’s life. But that’s not how I envisage mine. The first 29 years of my life are soon to be complete, the pages have been turned, the ink penned and used to its maximum.

The thought of travelling is as exciting as it is scary. Coupled with the burning desire within to travel, this fear is another reason why I know I should follow what my gut is pointing towards. This is innate and facing those fears will only allow me to grow, to challenge myself by stepping outside of the boundary of which has been imposed partly by myself, partly by society, partly by friends. I’m a lucky guy, and although I know my career ambitions haven’t been met completely during my twenties, I have tried a fair few different things and put my effort into my own music business, which for a short couple of years was hugely exciting and passionately gratifying. It is this music business that this year, Jan 1st 2014, I have decided to let go of and yes it’s quite sad to know I put effort into growing something like that and even in the face of quotes that foretell failure without a full 100% effort, I have let it go. Who knows, I may return to it, but one way to move forward is to snip the past. Thus focus has ensued and is more determined than ever – my future is in travel. Apart from the career, my friends and family have allowed me to collect and store memories that have ultimately made me a strong person, in who I am, in what I can achieve, in the good times and most importantly, the love. The love of which I felt over the Christmas and new year’s holidays from family and a whole heap of friends is priceless and everlasting.

Thank you to them, all of them, every single one of them for being part of my story and helping me start 2014 with a burst of all encompassing love and endurance.

I’m ready to fly. I’m preparing to go. I have a job interview of which I’ve been working towards since I began changing the way I thought back in January 2013. A year of this change in direction is noticeable in me. I don’t have the best memory but I do remember the feeling previous to January 2013, which in fact was a time prior to starting this blog because I wanted this blog to be about my new way of thinking and really putting effort into this fresh take on life. Yes, I haven’t accomplished everything in the way I want to think, because namely, the reason why I felt shit before was the way I thought – of myself, of others’ perception of me, of my own insecurities, of my unfulfilled ambitions. All of that still exists but the way I actively think about it is a whole lot more positive and soulful.

Because we are beautiful and so is life.

So here it is. The new year, the year in which I said I’ll save money and start planning an adventure. I think I’ve been talking about it enough – it’s been 5 years since I travelled to and through India on probably the defining trip of what made me me. I’ve never really lost that travel bug, that burning desire, those dreams while awake and asleep, the taste of sunsets along a beach, acquiring new people and letting them go, keeping hold of one or two, seeing amazing new landscapes, and facing the unknown.

Ordinary society hasn’t worked to my favour and it’s becoming the same old thing. Now is the time for adventure.

Well, after a year of planning and saving of course. Let the countdown commence.

It is quotes such as this one that stirs up excitement within me, the kind of quote that pushes me to become more than I am, to challenge what has become ordinary and to reach new limits of my being.

“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Time passes by so freely. If only the general population of the world could take a leaf out of Time’s book and lazily stroll on by, cane stick slightly speeding up each step, whilst a smile accompanies such nonchalant subservience.

A new year is upon us. Another number to add to all the other numbers we live our lives by; and still another restless night for yours truly. It seems old habits died hard over the festive season and consumption was at an all time high. I can’t even reprimand my actions, because why should I? Arguments with my conscience continue as the spiritual being in me persuades one to view the good things.

Laughter. Togetherness. Family & friends. Dedicated friends. Home-cum-nightclub-cum-b&b. Six family members in one room on one overrated day. I’m not sure what it is about Christmas that makes people and families try that little bit more, but this year I am not complaining. It was harmonious. Sure, the amount of alcohol and cocaine that was consumed goes against the prosperous message that lies behind the red banner of Coca-cola, but I can’t say anything but it was damn fucking brilliant.

Friends amassed themselves, the brother who works in Qatar (but who has since been “fired” in a friendly, amicable way) was here and his host of friends who adore him showed him how much they adored him by staying over. My best friend came from Nottingham – after I travelled by train to go pick her up, which is backwards to say since she was the one driving back to my city. I went to ease her mind on her first motorway drive, but in doing so wrongly led her through the dreaded snake pass, situated among the tops of hills in the all-encompassing landscape of the Peaks.

We pushed our limits to the max, our bodily limits, our social limits, our musical limits, but we did so together, thus we were able to keep the faint smell of regret at arms length the whole time. About 60 hours of non-stop partying, consumption, music, smoking, laughter, closeness, warmth, ridiculous conversation, huddles on my bed, writing on the wall. We did not sleep. We dragged it on. We chased the silver lining together, even as numbers dwindled, from the 50’s to the 10’s, we did it together.

Mass hugs at midnight. All of my favourite people were contacted or hugged or talked to or huddled around a mirror with or danced with or raved with or smiled at or everything I could want.

I’m a lucky man. The people in my life make me realise that I’m a lucky man.

Now for the year ahead. I have to make my plans work. I was waiting for January, like the new year has some mystical power that makes me more determined, but for some reason, it does.

With such strength and solid ground, I should have the confidence, the self-esteem and the balls to achieve my attempts at seeing the world.

It begins now.