The yearn

The yearn has returned. I’m not quite sure of what I am yearning but I feel it in my gut, it swirls with every thought and every time I haplessly read stories of wanderlust or love, or people relishing their opportunity to live. I’m not sure what it is that I want, but I know, or at least I should keep reminding myself, that I’m on the right path. I feel like my feet are itching in my current job, I’ve exhausted my creativity within that hospitable office, and although the students continuously change thus offering me new personalities and dynamics, I’m still reaching forward, trying to grasp at something of which I can’t see. Sometimes I get like this; I feel a little bit lost but I try to embrace this feeling of imbalance because after all we are but human and we are entitled to every waking thought and feeling that we have. I sigh longingly, caged within my own desires, knowing full well that I can somehow explore my full potential. I had the trip of a lifetime this year and it was whilst on that trip that I truly felt what it is to be alive. It was a temporary feeling but a wholesome insight into how life could be. I don’t take up opportunities and I don’t live to the full – that’s just truth, or perhaps my own huge expectations of what life should be, because I know how it is to feel fulfilled. I recently ended a relationship which I sort of knew was never right but it’s one’s desire to keep on trying. I don’t feel sad that it’s over, not any more, which makes me think: Was It Even Real? We dipped in and out of moments of blissfulness, but they were few and far between. Sometimes, people remain together out of fear, subconscious fear. Knowing that somebody is there regardless gives a little bit of hope. However, it’s not how I’m made. Love can be beautiful and yes we yearn for it, but every tiny encounter has the possibility to be special, to create a moment in time that leaves one feeling awash with warm nostalgia. I had this in Brazil, I had this with my relationship, I’ve had/am having this with work. So what’s next?

What’s next?

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